The end is just the beginning

This morning, after 5 months as an at-home mommy, I got up, washed my face, put on some adult clothes and headed in to the office. Sure, I was only there for one meeting, but it felt significant. Over the next couple of weeks, I will go in for a few short days to get up to speed – I won’t be back to work full-time until after the new year begins, but this morning marked the beginning of my back-to-work transition and the end of my beautiful maternity leave.

Yes, I feel sad. I will miss being able to spend so much time with my wonderful, perfect, adorable babies. They are the very best part of every single day of my life, and I’ve been blessed with a good chunk of time to focus on them. I have loved this time at home, having adventures, marking milestones and making memories. But, if I’m being perfectly honest, it was fun and exciting to be back in a professional, adult setting. I felt rusty and foggy, but I also had a glimpse of my working-mama self: someone who is organized, professional, productive – someone I miss. While I’ve been deliberately soaking up every precious moment as an at-home mommy, I’ve been scattered, disorganized, frumpy. I’ve had way too much time in my own head, and I’ve lost touch with the more social side of myself.

I know that the weeks and months ahead will be hard, particularly since I’ve been through this transition once before. I know that I will be tired and feel that there is not enough time in the day and not enough me to go around. But I also know that I will find a way to balance it all, that my kids will benefit from spending time with people other than me and that I will be a better mom because I spend time in the working world, being creative, social and productive. And my hope is that I will be better able to manage my time, such that I will be able to actually keep up with this blog. I’ve got so many things I’ve been meaning to record here, including milestones, adventures, a vacation, and of COURSE a ton of hilarious little tid-bits of Elliot speak.

Bittersweet. And, in the end, I feel mostly that my life is blessed…sooooo very blessed.

No rest for the weary.

My normally sweet and spunky baby girl has been replaced by a cranky, crabby little sickster. After three days of no napping and horrible nighttime sleep, mama is tiiiiiired. Today she was well enough to walk to the park to look for puddles, followed by a sunny lunch on the patio. I put her down to nap, with crossed fingers, only to hear her whisper on the monitor, “no sleep today, no sleep today.” Please pray for me!

August?!? Already?!?

What’s that saying about roads paved with good intentions? Yeah…

Here we are, months have passed since my most recent post and sooooo much has happened.

Our son, Cale Dolan Ilk, arrived 9 days ahead of schedule on July 5, 2011. He’s a wonderful baby, we are so in love with him. He’s absolutely the perfect missing piece that completes our family…and we feel so very blessed!

Since Cale’s birth, life has been very happy, and very busy! Maternity leave during the summer is so much fun! We’ve had trips to the zoo, to pick blueberries, picnics at the park, and plenty of backyard pool parties when we don’t feel like leaving home.

As if adjusting to life with an infant and figuring out how to manage caring for two kiddos wasn’t enough, I decided the time was right to tackle potty training with Elliot. She has done an amaaaaazing job and, barring naps and nighttime, I’d say she is practically fully potty trained – hooray! We are so proud of this girl!

We still have some fun summer and fall plans in the works, so stay tuned – I plan to update more regularly!

woah

…and just like that, i’m just about ready to have this baby. the time just flew right by! how did that happen?

this is not to imply that i haven’t been feeling very whiney and crabby and uncomfortable – i’ve absolutely been feeling all of those things, but somehow i’m still somewhat in shock that it’s almost time for this baby to join us and make us an official family of four – very exciting! a little scary, but mostly very exciting!

and honestly, i’m the kind of person who just wants to get down to business and start to figure out how this is all going to work. let’s just jump into the water with both feet and see how this works!

which is not to say that i’m not dreading labor. in fact, as we move ever closer to that inevitability, i find myself remembering more and more about how difficult that whole process is. the upside being that i also know how wonderful having a BABY is, so i’m hoping that helps power me through some of the tougher parts of the labor experience.

the unknowns this time around are more focused on how this is all going to impact our little elliot. i’m so excited that she gets to be a big sister and have a sibling to go through life with her, but worried about how this transition will disrupt our happy sphere and how she sees her world. still – i suppose these are not concerns that are at all logical during the final steps of this journey, but things that just seem to surface now as it all comes closer and closer.

soon enough, the waiting will be over and there will be no need (or time! or energy!) for such speculation – but, today, and most days right now it is all about the waiting.

also, i walked 10 blocks today and felt like i had really DONE something – i’m looking forward to being done with the physical limitations of pregnancy and really being able to be active and DO things again.

so, let’s get this show on the road, baby! it’s time for you to come out and become the final piece of our lovely little family puzzle.

 

parrot

This isn’t exactly news to anyone, but (almost) 2 year olds tend to repeat EVERY THING YOU SAY. Just in the last 24 hours, Elliot has said, “compost” “good luck, daddy”, “i’m going to the kid pit” (our neighborhood, kid-friendly restaurant) and “sake bar” (thanks, Uncle Kyle!).

Over the past few months, we’ve been working extra hard to try to be very mindful of what we say, and to gently remind those loved ones who DON’T spend as much time with a toddler parrot to do the same.

A week ago, Elliot came home from a day with Granddad with a brand new expression. After she had successfully climbed up the stairs unassisted, she turned to me and said, “I’m gonna take a bow” and bent over to touch her toes. This was unbelievably cute to me, and I laughed. THEN, she said, “cuz THAT’S what SUPERHEROS do!”….huh? Where on earth did she get this? I asked my dad, and he had no idea. She has since done this little “take a bow” routine several times, and it has continued the root of all this has continued to confuse me.

That is, until this week.

We were watching “Sunny Day” (= Sesame Street) one morning, when who should appear? GROVER! Or, more specifically for those of you who are not up to date on muppet current affairs. Lovable, Furry Old Grover has a new image these days. He is now Super Grover 2.0

And Super Grover 2.0 talks alllll the time about what super heros do, and all of his incredible super powers….mystery solved!

23.5 months & 22.1 weeks

A word to describe how i’m feeling lately: Emotional. EEEEEEEmotional.

Whether happy or sad, I seem to find myself on the verge of tears at the drop of a hat these days. Our sweet little bug seems to have grown into a little girl almost literally over the course of a week, my tummy is growing as we get closer to the arrival of our newest little bean, and things just generally seem to be striking me close to the heart. This may or may not include basketball games…what can I say? I really love March Madness.

Elliot, too, is starting to dive my fully into her own emotions. This is typical of the two’s, I know,  but what I find particularly interesting is that she is starting to articulate her feelings. She often describes things as fun and funny, and over the past week has tearfully told me on more than one occasion that she is “sad” – she tells me this when she is frustrated, mad and sad, but it strikes me that she is able to articulate this emotion. I often ask her why she’s sad, and that is taking it a bit further than she is able to go just yet, but still – we are on the emotional maturity road and it is truly amazing to see her going through the process of beginning to understand her feelings.

And, oh how I love her – words really can’t capture how full my heart is when I think about what a perfect, wonderful little being she is and how happy she has made our lives. She is such a wonderful soul and I only hope that our new little green bean will fit just as well into our family as she does.

Speaking of the poor, neglected little green bean…a few exciting developments of late have been that Aaron was able to feel movement this past week (we didn’t hit this milestone with Elliot for several more weeks). I am comforted by daily little tummy jabs and jolts, and love the little reminders that I am indeed pregnant. Despite my best intentions to “really enjoy every moment” this time around, I find that I often am so busy with work, motherhood, marriage and life in general that I tend to forget that I am pregnant. Lucky for me this amazing body of mine is able to grow and nurture this bean without much conscious input from me.

Before we know it, this little one will be an outside baby and life will have made yet another incredible leap into the great unknown. And I am confident that it WILL be great – it will, right? And that Elliot will love being a big sister, and will not feel somehow cheated or let down that she has to share – she will love having someone else with a shared growing up experience, right? As excited as I am to have two children, and for Elliot to have a sibling, the whole thing is also the great unknown for me.

I don’t even know how to neatly wrap that thought up, so I guess it will just have to sit out on the table while I focus on all of the great things that I’m sure are in the future for our family. And with that final thought, Iwill leave you with a great photo that my mom took of us after Elliot’s soccer “practice” last weekend – all three (well technically, all FOUR) of us out to a nice family breakfast on a saturday morning. Oh, how I love these sweeties of mine…

the waiting isn’t always the hardest part

When I was pregnant with Elliot, there was no doubt in my mind at all that I would want to know her gender as early as possible. There seemed to be so many unknowns in this new stage of life called parenthood, and if I could help ease the transition by knowing if I was going to be the mother of a son or daughter, I wanted that knowledge. This time around, I don’t feel so nervous or anxious, I feel ready to dive into this second stage. And I don’t NEED to know the gender of this baby like I did with Elliot. This is also our last baby, and it seems fun (and our only chance) to try doing things the opposite way from last time.

Of course, the reason for all of this background about gender discovery is that we had our BIG ultrasound this past Wednesday – the one where you can find out the gender of your baby. And this time around we marched into that room and told the tech we would like to be surprised in the delivery room. We turned away when she told us to and, although I know we were both VERY curious and probably did scrutinize the pictures we did see a little too carefully, I feel confident in saying we both came out without knowing the gender of super ilkling 2.0. And really, whether we are having another baby girl or a baby boy, we are certainly having a very cute and utterly perfect little human being.

I was sure that I would be feeling very curious and antsy to know the gender this time around, even if I was able to “make it through” the ultrasound without finding out. But, honestly, as the day approached I didn’t feel any doubts or increased urgency to know. And even though I was probably looking a little bit critically at the images of the baby on the monitor to see if it LOOKED more like a girl or a boy (and, honestly, who knows? in comparing the pictures, this baby looks identical to Elliot) – even though I will admit I was trying to decipher gender “types” of head, chin, face…I still feel really calm about not knowing, and really excited about the idea of having Aaron tell me the gender in the delivery room – and of giving him the incredible task of being the very first to announce the birth, gender and name of our baby to our family on the day of his or her birth – the excitement of those things far outweighs the curiosity I feel this time around about which gender baby is growing in my tummy.

on our way to the ultrasound, we asked Elliot (as we have many, many times before) what kind of baby was in mama’s tummy. This time, her answer was, “A green baby, name: baby sister boy.” Well there you have it folks, there is no way of knowing, so we can all sit tight for the next 4.5 months until baby sister boy let’s us know exactly who he or she is. And until then, we will continue to grow and love him or her just as much every day.

The drama of two

Next week, Elliot will be 22 months old. That is two months from 2 years old. WHAT?!?!

Aside from utter shock that my wee little baby bug is about to be a two year old, I have to admit that all signs point to a two year old in our house. She is aaaaaall about testing boundaries, throwing food on the floor when she knows it makes mama’s hair stand on end, coloring on everything BUT the coloring book (thank you, crayola, for inventing washable crayons), and general naughtiness – all with an eye to mom and dad to see just WHAT will happen when she does what they’ve told her not to. If this isn’t two year old behaviour, well – I don’t want to hear it, because I have to believe that this is a phase she will outgrow.

She’s also very sure of who she is and what she wants. Case in point:
Mama: What do you want for breakfast? Eggs?
Elliot: No! No eggs!
Mama: Banana?
Elliot: No! No banana!
Mama: Toast?
Elliot: No! No toast! Broccoli!! And cereal on the tray!

And the drama, oh my goodness, the drama! I’m so hoping the drama is more a symptom of being almost two than simply of being my child. The other night while we were getting her ready for bed, we had to wipe her nose – this made her very angry…and things took a very dramatic turn. How dramatic? Welllll….she draped her chubby little toddler arm across her eyes and started moaning, “Bwiiight! Toooooo bwiiiiiiight” because, apparently after having her nose wiped, the soft glow of her bedside lamp (which is barely bright enough to read by) had become blinding. It was very hard not to double over laughing.

But such is life with our little two year old dramatist. In terms of our second little bean, my tummy is definitely getting thick, and in the evenings is really starting to look pregnant.  it’s a little scary to look back at photos of 15 weeks from last time and see how much smaller the tummy was, but I’m trying to believe this will all even out soon.

Last night in the bath, Elliot said the baby was a girl for the first time (there have been two other times when she has said it is a boy) – and that really got me thinking about how fun having two little girls might be. SISTERS! I will honestly be thrilled with either outcome, but two sisters would be fun in so many ways, just as having one of each would be fun.

But having two little girls will certainly only increase the drama in our house. Oh good golly!

the highlight reel

The last week has been loads of fun in our house.  This may sound sarcastic, but it actually isn’t.  It’s true that Elliot has been alternately battling her 2-year molars and a head-cold for the last few weeks, and it has really thrown a monkey wrench into her sleep schedule and generally happy demeanor.  But it really, honestly hasn’t been all THAT bad.  Except for the evenings when she’s had an hour or less nap during the day, and the hour before bedtime becomes a blur of exhausted, manic toddler energy that is incredibly HAPPY and GIGGLY, immediately followed by tears and rage at the drop of a hat. But we all have our moments, right?

Honestly, I know I keep saying this, but Elliot is SO much fun at this age.  It’s crazy but true that each age just gets better and better.

In fact, this concept really hit home for me last night as we were watching home movies on our laptop.  Elliot looooooooves to watch movies of herself (aka, the baaaabeeeee) on our laptop, and as soon as one finishes she immediately demands, “MORE! MORE! MORE PEEEASE!!” as I scrolled back through the past 21 months in an effort to satisfy the kiddo, I realized just how much she has changed over the last year.  Walking, talking, thinking – she has gone from a baby to a kid!  And this kid has got some serious personality!

She loves the animals (even our cranky kitty – in fact, she may love the kitty most of all!), she loves to run and climb, she loves to play, she loves to pretend, and she loooooooves to be the center of attention.  Also, she thinks she’s hilarious (and, to be fair, she pretty much is).

Things I’ve really noticed lately: She is getting to be a very polite little person (most of the time). She’s good about saying please and thank you – and her thank yous have the power to stop me in my tracks – it takes all my strength not to melt into a big puddle of parental pride and happiness when I give her an apple slice and she says, “Thanks much, mama!”

She’s also started to direct us more and more – she’s catching onto the routines, knows what is supposed to happen when, and is very vocal about letting us know what we need to do and when. For example, our bedtime routine includes brushing teeth, taking a bath, getting into jammies, reading a story, and then bed.  During this process, Aaron and I are instructed when it is time to join in the toothbrushing (MAMA TEETH! DADDY TEETH!) and Aaron is supposed to clean Lucy’s ears during the bath (GOOSEY EARS!) (I should explain that she calls Maddie and Lucy, “Mannie” and “Goosey”).  She also loves to tell the dogs what to do, especially when they actually obey! Lately, when it comes time to clean “goosey’s ears”, we tell her to call lucy, and her whole body tenses while she calls, “GOOOOSEEY COME IN! GOOOOSEEEEY OPENDOOOOOR!” and when Lucy actually obeys and pushes open the bathroom door, Elliot’s face literally blossoms with joy.  It is pretty ridiculously adorable.

Lately we’ve been talking to her more and more about “the baby in mama’s tummy” – she will repeat this phrase often, but really doesn’t seem to comprehend what it is that we mean (understandably).  I’ve told her a few times that the baby will grow bigger, and then come out and be her best friend, in response to which i get a dubious stare down.  As an only child, it is my greatest hope that these two little beings will be the best of friends, but I know that is more than I can ever control.  And if Elliot is any indicator, this new little one is already FULL of his or her own personality, and will soon be just as vocal, entertaining and fun as “Big Sister”.

This time is so precious and fun, I can hardly imagine what it will be like with two – but I am very excited to find out!

 

new and improved!

To those of you who are rolling  your eyes at yet another attempt to re-kindle my blogging pilot light: I get it.

I used to blog a lot.  I mean all the time, all day long, waaaaay too much.  Then life got busy.  I fell in love, got a more interesting day-job, got married, had a baby…and all of a sudden, my blog was dead.

After a few months of life with a new baby, I decided it was time to try again – this baby was going to want to know what her life was like when she was just a wee little bug (and goodness knows the innards of the baby book have been collected, but someone is going to have to go through that pile of mementos and organize them…oh wait, was that supposed to be me?!?!).  Unfortunately, my second blog attempt fizzled after just a few spotty posts.

Then I started yet ANOTHER blog, but this time I was cautious and told no one about it, just in case I never actually posted anything…and guess what?  You guessed it – I NEVER ACTUALLY POSTED ANYTHING.

So now here we sit, several attempts later. But the thing is, I really enjoy writing down these little memories, thoughts, feelings and experiences, particularly because life has been so much fun over the past few years.  And I also REALLY love the idea that, even though my cottage swiss cheese brain may not be able to retain all of the beautiful little moments in our lives, this blog will do exactly that!  And when I’m older and craving a little nostalgia, I will be able to look back on these entries and enjoy reliving these beautiful moments.  AND our family and friends far and wide can experience these same moments, even if they live in the Midwest, or central Oregon, or Lynnwood.

And now, without further ado, allow me introduce you to our latest project: the jumping bean!

YES! We are expecting a second little bundle of joy to join our family this coming July! Our bug will become a big sister! We will be a two-child family! I’m not sure if the excessive use of exclamation points is quite getting across my excitement, but I’m guessing you are probably starting to get the idea – we are beyond thrilled! OK – a little nervous about how this might shake up the good thing we have going on, but mostly super duper excited!  And so, this latest attempt at blogging sure to be engaging and successful blog will capture the joys of life with two sweet kiddos: our ilklings.

Welcome to our family blog:  New and improved! Now with twice the blessings!